Growing up, I liked wrestling. I loved Hot Wheels, action figures, pirates, and playing baseball. I heard comments like, “You’re not a boy”, “Play with dolls”, or “That’s not very lady-like”.
I did have dolls, but my brother’s Hot Wheels Garage was the coolest thing I had ever seen. Our neighbour, best friend, and the sweetest person I’ve ever known, played baseball with my older sister. I thought they were amazing, superheroes even. My grandfather loved wrestling, and I bonded with him watching/yelling over wrestling matches. So from a child’s perspective, why were people telling me that my interests were improper?
Now that I have children of my own, I know to avoid certain phrases relating to gender and stereotypes. Let me explain.
My toddler loves to play with cars and superheroes. He is very interested in soccer, baseball, and basketball. Whenever he has shown an interest in a particular sport or hobby, we have supported it.
When I was pregnant with Theodore, my son started to show an interest in his cousin’s baby dolls. He cared for them, kissed them, and rocked them to sleep. He didn’t want to stop playing with them. When he came home, it was all he could talk about for days. It was then that I decided this was the perfect time for him to learn more about babies (I was expecting one in July after all)! I didn’t think twice about buying him a baby doll.
I have always wanted to normalize boys playing with what some people deem “girl toys”. There seems to be so much pressure on boys to stay “masculine”. When I was working as an ECE, I would comment on how children spent most of their time in the kitchen play area. A lot of people were surprised!
A kitchen teaches children about social play/development with their peers, and they also learn how to act out what they see in their own lives in this type of dramatic play (aiding in cognitive development).
The same goes for baby dolls!
After we purchased this plush baby doll, my son was so excited. He changed its diaper, fed it with an empty bottle, gave the baby its magnetic soother to calm him down, and to this day Joey still has to sleep with his baby by his side.
Certain toys allow children to explore their creative sides, their emotions, and more which are all crucial to their development.
When I say that I avoid certain phrases with my son, what I mean is that I have never mentioned how we “allow him” to play with dolls or with a play kitchen to him or anyone else. This would be telling him that what he’s doing is somehow wrong.
Luckily, I find a lot of parents are accepting of their children playing in any of the dramatic play areas. Once, when I told a parent about their son’s love for the kitchen play area, him and his wife immediately bought a kitchen for their own home. They couldn’t believe how much time and devotion the child gave to his new toy, as they had never witnessed such an interest in any of his previous ones.
To put it simply, if you’re worried about people bullying your children for not conforming to their gender role/stereotypes, don’t sweat it. Those people have a lot of growth to do.
When I see Joseph playing with his baby doll, I see him modelling his own father’s behaviour. I see him growing up to be a loving father himself.
When I see Joseph cooking me pizza in his play kitchen, I see a passion for cooking that runs deep in my family. My brother is a fantastic cook, and my uncles/cousins are known for their cooking talent as well!
When I walk the baby to sleep up and down our foyer, Joseph immediately grabs his baby and mimics exactly how I bounce Theo, how I pat his bum, and how I lower my voice to soothe him. Teaching your child how to care for others should not be associated with negativity.
See their interests, support them, nurture them, and know when to interrupt their play and use that as a teachable moment. I like to watch how he takes care of his bunny or his baby doll. If he’s giving them something with a spoon, that’s when I ask him, “Joey, what are you giving your baby and why?” He will respond with medicine (because he’s sick) or even carrots because vegetables are good for our bodies.
It is my hope that by teaching our children not to conform to gender stereotypes, we can teach the next generation that the toys we give them depending on their interests can pave the way for emotional growth.
All the best,
TKM
xo
